Dear Terminally Single Guys (TSGs),
I feel your pain, I really do. It sucks being single sometimes, and to top it off, it's often difficult to meet people and form meaningful connections. I count some of you TSGs among my good guy friends, so I hear your complaints often. I also hear this refrain too many times for my liking: "When I meet the right girl, I'm going to treat her like a princess." Why, in the last week, I must've heard this one from 3 separate TSGs alone!
So, why does this rhetoric bug me so much, you wonder? It boils down to the underlying assumption that you guys are going to get over your boneheaded narcissism for The One when She comes along, and express your love in the form of grandiose gestures (hotel beds sprinkled with rose petals and all that). That's all fine and good, but until you find The One, how about extending some common courtesy and human decency toward the gal pals in your life? Too often I feel as though you TSGs treat us like second-class citizens unworthy of everyday thoughtfulness.
Case in point: After one of my TSG friends broke off a short-lived long-distance relationship, I invited him out for a party. He hemmed and hawed about it all week, saying he wanted to see if his friends were going and so on. I left him messages on voicemail and MSN last Friday saying that I needed a final head count by 8pm that night because I could pick up tickets from the promoter for him and anyone else coming. Not only did he not respond on Friday, he seems to have gone MIA all weekend. I received nary a message on MSN, Facebook, or my cell. WTF? I can't believe he could devote hours out of his day for 3 months straight to a girl he never got to see, yet couldn't take a mere 10 seconds to call a gal pal and say, "Sorry, my friends and I couldn't get our shit together. We're not coming."
Here's the thing you TSGs need to understand in order to not be terminally single. The high-quality girls who are truly worth it are looking for guys capable of courtesy on a daily basis, not guys who will shower them with diamond earrings and roses and poorly written love poems on certain days of the year and treat them like crap the rest of the time. If you find a girl you're crazy about, your romantic fervour will propel you into being extra good for the first few months. But what happens after the fervour fades? You revert to the non-courteous habits you've mastered in all those lonely months and begin treating her like you treat everyone else in your life. How you treat family, ordinary friends, and complete strangers reflects on your innate goodness as a person. If she's a smart, discerning, attractive girl--the type whom you hope to make your wife and the mother of your children someday--she'll see shabby treatment of others as a major red flag.
So, how do you TSGs stop self-sabotaging and start attracting the right kind of girl? There are many things you can do to get positive karmic payback. Start by responding to messages.