Vivir Solo Es Eso

Carrie found Big Love in the form of Mr. Big. I say phooey. (Image from

Remember last week when I said that I had an earth-shattering 2009 resolution to discuss in a subsequent blog post? Well, here it is: I'm giving up on love in 2009--as in toe-curling, heart-pounding, soul-shaking, goosebumps-inducing, turn-your-world-upside-down Big Love. I simply don't believe in it anymore.

Before you denounce me as a heartless heretic, just hear me out. I've already gone through 2 major relationships where we looked too far forward, promising our entire lives away without knowing what will happen tomorrow. Both times it ended in disappointment. And when I reflected on 2008, my one regret was how much time and energy I wasted being anxious over my single girl status. Ironically, though, I enjoyed the giddiness, the fun, the intrigue of my 2008 flirtations. It was only when I became anxious about where something might lead that I lost all perspective.

Instead of being anxious and forward-looking, this year I choose to revel in small moments--the moments you spend with the other person here and now, the moments you savour and look back on. If these moments add up to something, like small grains of sand at the bottom of an hourglass, then it will have been the most gradual of miracles. And if they don't, well, I'll always have those moments.

In one of my favourite songs ever, "Cuando Nadie Me Ve," Alejandro Sanz sings: "No darte la vida entera/ darte solo esos momentos/ por que es tan dificil/ vivir solo es eso." (Translation for non-Spanish speakers: "Not to give you my entire life/ to give you only these moments/ why is it so difficult/ to live is only this.") I've now adopted this as my guiding motto of 2009.

Here's to living in the moment. Goodbye, Big Love. Hello, the moments that count.


  1. I say RIGHT ON. As someone who is a chronic worrier - and knows it to be a total waste of valuable energy - I salute you for casting off your anxiety over singledom. Living in the moment is a worthy goal for anyone, and I hope you are able to embrace it and savor each day as a rockin' single chick!

  2. While I do agree with your resolution, you know as we've discussed that I also think it sad to give up on that ideal of happiness. Though atm I feel it's all a sham - so long as he doesn't cause you pain, that's probably good enough.

  3. I'm 30 and happily married so I have to say I completely agree with your outlook on love. You're not giving anything up either. Mature, deep love is what lasts. It takes time to build up a foundation of trust and respect.

    Chris Rock jokes, "a happy marriage is a boring marriage". However, this is only because there isn't the cheating, fighting and breakups associated with more passionate and transient relationships. I wouldn't trade my loving, stable husband in for all the bad boys with deep issues in the world. This is so much better and it's worth waiting for.

  4. Living in the moment is good. In the future, I hope to do that.

  5. Oh L don't give up on real love bc I will have to do the same! Let's keep the faith :)


  6. The less you look for love, true love comes knocking at your door. Putting yourself first is sometimes the most important and then everything will just fall into place :)
    But I do love BIG Love... (i just watched Sex in the City the Movie again this weekend)

  7. I love it! (not Big love it ;)
    I think it's a wise move- and I know exactly what you are talking about. I think all of us would feel less anxious if we focused on the moments rather than just the future.

  8. Awwwww Lisa! Don't worry it will come around when you least expect it. Who needs men they seem to just complicate things. I am trying to figure out if there are more or less opportunities here in Numazu. I think that most of the "gaijin" I have met here have been idiots. But you never know..I'll keep ya posted. Hope you're well :) Miss ya. Are you going to Vancouver Fashion Week?

  9. "If these moments add up to something, like small grains of sand at the bottom of an hourglass, then it will have been the most gradual of miracles"

    so beautiful!!!!

    while i do believe you will find true love again one day, i also believe that you always find love when you least expect it :)

  10. I'm not sure if you should necessarily give up on love altogether, but the fact that you've chosen not to focus on it is never a bad decision - It's probably healthier and will definitely free your mind so you can take on more things that you enjoy.

    Personally, I LOVE(D) being single... Even though I'm not right now. Embrace it, take advantage of it, and enjoy it!!

  11. Sal, thanks for the support!

    MizzJ, *sends hugs*.

    Em, I'm totally with you on avoiding the bad boys and all the drama and stupidity that come with them.

    Wendy, LOL!

    CC, I'm not giving up on love per se! I'm just giving up on the hang-ups associated with it--being anxious over not having it, constantly looking for it, etc. Who knows, maybe a flirtation this year will turn into something more serious, and one day I'll wake up and say to myself, "Holy crap! This is love."

    Fabutopia, very true, but I've given up looking for now as I've said. :)

    AsianCajuns, amen to that!

    Anthea, I'll probably be at VFW this season covering the shows for Stylefinds, but it'll be lonely without you. :(

  12. Lizbeth, thanks for the support!

  13. That sounds like a good resolution. I've never felt love...makes me probably more bitter than those who have loved and lost! Ha! Even my sister said her boy is the "one" but it's really about proximity and making it work. Sigh.

  14. You go girl!

    Whatever happens will happen.

  15. I spent nearly 7 years single. Not that there weren't crushes or opportunities, but that travel & other things so held my focus that I refused to get really involved with anyone. It was really freeing. & then, when I decided I was ready, I started dating in earnest via the online thing. Before you knew it, someone worked out. Very strange how that worked...

  16. amen to that
    you never know where a perspective like that might take you.

  17. best outlook on love of any sort!

    although The Big Love remindind me of that show and then I was like you as a multi-stepford-wife???

    but I was more amused than confused.

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